Snoring and Husbands

I have had some sleepless nights over the years – not to blame my husband’s snoring.  But when I can’t sleep – there it is.  And it only manifests itself after he’s had a weary day – not one of those sleep apnea problems.

In the early years of marriage, I’d kick him, tell him to roll over, listen to his nighttime angry outbursts which he’d never remember the next morning.  So all was well.  But it get’s boring.  There has to be other ways to deal with it.

I must insert one little story of my friend who also kicked her husband while he was in bed.  Not because he was snoring, but because he wasn’t rolling out of bed and getting ready for work.  She kicked him hard enough that he landed on the floor.  Only then did she realize he was entering a diabetic coma!  I have gone from terror to hysterics with that story.  I guess she saved his life with that one kick and realization!

Over recent years I’ve tried other tactics than kicking.  I’ll pretend I’m a little bug climbing up his leg.  That will make him roll over.  Other times I increase pressure on one spot of his arm or leg to make him want to get away from it.  Voila.

But now that I’m in a hospital bed and he’s out of reach, creativity is needed!  I’ll mimic his snores; I learned he has about 4 different ones.  He’ll snore, I’ll snore the same tune.  Sometimes I’ll snore in a different order.  That quiets him for about 20 minutes. 

I’ve tried Seth’s technique, which I’ve observed from camping out with him and bunches of other noisy snorers. He will cough really loud – that does stop the snorers for awhile – but wakes up the rest of us.  But it works fine with just Dave and I.

The other night I sang to Dave.  I have a favorite child’s book called There Were Ten in the Bed.  Rather than reading it to my kids, I would sing it.  It’s about a little boy with 9 stuffed animals crowded in bed with him.  My serenade to Dave:  There were ten in the bed and the little one said, “Roll over, roll over” – this part I sing LOUDLY – “so they all rolled over and mouse fell out – plunk….. and on and on it goes until they’ve all rolled over and are out of the bed.  Of course, the little boy reconsiders, because he’s lonely and they all jump back in bed with him.   This song has worked, and adds to my "dark of the night" amusement, when he actually would roll over.

So wifeys out there.  What works for you?